Chuck Norris facts

1. Chuck Norris' calendar goes from March 31st to April 2nd. No one fools Chuck Norris.
2. There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.
3. Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
4. There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
5. When Chuck Norris does a push-up, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
6. Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
7. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
8. A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.
9. Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
10. Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
11. The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.
12. Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you.
13. As President Roosevelt said: "We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And Chuck Norris."
14. Industrial logging isn't the cause of deforestation. Chuck Norris needs toothpicks.
15. Chuck Norris uses a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
16. When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris.
17. When you say "no one's perfect", Chuck Norris takes this as a personal insult.
18. When Chuck Norris plays Monopoly, it affects the actual world economy.
19. There are only two things that can cut diamonds: other diamonds, and Chuck Norris.
20. Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
21. Rules of fighting: 1) Don't bring a knife to a gun fight. 2) Don't bring a gun to a Chuck Norris fight.
22. They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but there was a problem-- It wouldn't take shit from anybody.
23. They say curiosity killed the cat. This is false. Chuck Norris killed the cat. Every single one of them.
24. Chuck Norris has to use a stunt double when he does crying scenes.
25. Not everyone that Chuck Norris is mad at gets killed. Some get away. They are called astronauts.

Chuck Norris Facts