The Malaysian Repository: December 2008

Chuck Norris facts

Pengamiran | Posted by Amir ALS at 6:36 PM

Chuck Norris' calendar goes from March 31st to April 2nd. No one fools Chuck Norris.
There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
When Chuck Norris does a push-up, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.
Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you.
As President Roosevelt said: "We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And Chuck Norris."
Industrial logging isn't the cause of deforestation. Chuck Norris needs toothpicks.
Chuck Norris uses a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris.
When you say "no one's perfect", Chuck Norris takes this as a personal insult.
When Chuck Norris plays Monopoly, it affects the actual world economy.
There are only two things that can cut diamonds: other diamonds, and Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
Rules of fighting: 1) Don't bring a knife to a gun fight. 2) Don't bring a gun to a Chuck Norris fight.
They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but there was a problem-- It wouldn't take shit from anybody.
They say curiosity killed the cat. This is false. Chuck Norris killed the cat. Every single one of them.
Chuck Norris has to use a stunt double when he does crying scenes.
Not everyone that Chuck Norris is mad at gets killed. Some get away. They are called astronauts.

Paintball Royal Rumble (Dec 13,2008)

Outdoors, Recreation | Posted by Amir ALS at 5:29 AM

Paintball Royal Rumble

Host: Rafie a.k.a Penyu Maut
Date: Saturday, December 13, 2008
Time: 9:00am - 5:00pm
Location: Tanamera Paintball Park
City/Town: Sungai Buloh, Malaysia

Stressed out cuz of exams or work? Then come on down and have a paintball royal rumble... Bring ur friends and enemies (if u wanna shoot 'em till they vomit), the more the merrier... Trying to get at least 80 people so we can shoot each other like a bunch of retards... Just kiddin...

Got this invitation on Facebook a month ago. Never played paintball before so decided to seize this opportunity. Didn't think that strafing, ducking for cover, taking aim, flanking and shooting enemies is difficult (just watch Rambo, Gerak Khas, Black Hawk Down, Bad Boys and you'll know what I mean) but this game changed my perception of that and makes me appreciate more the efforts/sacrifices of our brave men in uniform (kudos to PDRM, TDM, TUDM, TLDM and the other relevant acronyms I missed out). 24 people managed to turn up that day and even though the numbers were lesss than expected, the game was still super fun. Our paintball group for the day comprised of myself, the Axon friends (Awss, PL, Tuck Loon) and the Sunway comrades (Rafie, Jimin, Cheng, Ang, Farid, Numa and others). As expected, the Sunway comrades would oversleep on that day and we only reached Tanamera at around 1100 HRS.
After all of us got our equipment, we were briefed on the rules and regulations by a big tough guy called Dogg. He is one of the marshals at Tanamera. These marshals are the guys who would monitor and regulate/referee a game. Marshals and regulars can be easily distinguished by their army clothing. They would wear camouflage suits and army boots. One guy was even wearing a ghillie suit. His brother is also a regular. Strangely, he was wearing an olive green jubah and carrying around an AK-47. The regulars call him Osama bin Laden.
First two games were played were at Lake Placid. Lake Placid is an awesome map. With a lake surrounded by lots of palm trees that can be used for cover and considering its shape as well, there can be a lot of strategies devised.
Next two games were played out at Vietcong Village. This can be a very challenging map as one team has to climb uphill to reach the opposition's HQ (i.e. truck). Mosquitoes were in abundance in tihs map. BTW, paintball is a physically demanding sport. There is a lot of jumping, crawling, strafing and running involved. It can also be painful if one gets hit by a paintball, depending on one's pain threshold and location of impact. PL had bruising on her arm from getting hit by a pellet. Unfortunately, it started to raining heavily after four games and we had to go back then. Haha, came back to Rumah Sunway and found a lot of K.I.As (Killed In Action).

Pics from the day

Eii...we are famous!!! (Thanks, Far)

Pengamiran | Posted by Amir ALS at 10:12 PM

Create Fake Magazine Covers with your own picture at MagMyPic.com

And last but not least...

Create Fake Magazine Covers with your own picture at MagMyPic.com

Mai secawan?.....Cik mu!! (Kemensah 16/11)

Outdoors, Recreation | Posted by Amir ALS at 10:18 PM

Went camping on Sunday (16/11/08) at the same old spot, Kemensah, again. Supposed to go on Saturday but Jimin had to go to Indonesia. On Saturday, went to Subang Parade with Mja to get supplies. Had to buy mess tin, tent, maggi, sardine, baked beans and bread. Jimin would get the drinking water the next day.

The original camping group comprised of me, Jimin, Mja, Jo, Fuad and Najeem. However, Jo and Fuad couldn't make it that day so we had two last-minute substitutes in the form of Cheng and Ang. Hehe...really last minute...

Scene 1 (Rumah Sunway)
Jimin: Ang, bangun, bangun!....jom gi camping.
Ang (half-asleep): Camping....bila?
Jimin: Sekarang!Sekarang!
Ang (still half-asleep): Jap...nak gi pack...

We departed from Sunway at 4.30pm. Had to go to Pantai Dalam to get camera and tripod from Mja's brother. Then, took the SMART tunnel to avoid jam along Jln Ampang. Along the way, we mulled over the idea of emulating the RADIX coffee advert on TV (Mai Secawan...) since we had a foreigner amongst us i.e. Najeem the Maldivian. First hiccup of the day came when a big nail/screw punctured Jimin's tyre. Luckily, the air was not leaking out at the time. We decided to take a gamble and just

proceed to the campsite. Arrived at the parking area at Kemensah at around 5.50pm.

Haha, this is where it gets interesting. The weather forecast for Selangor that day was 'Thunderstorms in the evening, Rain at night' and although it stopped raining already when we were hiking to the campsite, the ground was made very slippery by the rain that subsided 30 minutes before. I made a mistake of wearing my old worn-out futsal shoe. Managed to walk okay at first but slipped 3-4 times later as the terrain got steeper. Fell into a puddle as well. Since the ground was very wet, leeches were in abundance. I got a total of 4 on my legs and 1 on my neck (me thinks it's a leech with Dracula genes). Everyone else had to pluck out leeches from their legs except Najeem. I guess Malaysian leeches find Maldivian blood unsavoury.

Around 15 minutes away from the campsite (approx. 7.10pm), it was already dark and getting darker. This was the time when everyone realized that it is good to bring a torchlight. You can barely see the ground you are stepping on at this time. LOL, luckily I remembered to bring my torchlight but forgot that the battery was low. Last-minute packing is never a good thing (sighs). A ratio of 6 people: 1 torchlight is very, very troublesome. Luckily, we managed to reach the campsite without getting lost but the trouble doesn't end there...

It's nearly pitch-dark when we arrived at the campside. Time to set up tent. However, turns out Jimin just bought his fancy new tent and no one (not even him) knows how to set it up. The tent is a very fancy Coleman tent that can actually accommodate 8++ people as opposed to the 6 mentioned in the brochure. There is a canopy/balcony/something sticking out at the front of the tent. After much fumbling and turning about the tent and inserting the tent poles into the wrong places, the tent crew managed to set it up......after 2 hours.

Luckily, the campfire crew managed better...managing to make two small fires to heat water to make Maggi. By the time the tent was set up, dinner was served (3 packs of Maggi Lontong + 2 Maggi Cups).

Regarding the title, it is always fun to have a nice hot drink at night when camping. Having a cuppa late at night in the rain is just satisfying. Then came the downer of the day, Mja couldn't find the stash of 3-in-1s. Must have dropped it along the way. This dampened our spirits to a certain extent that night considering the series of unfortunate events that have occured up to this point. In the end, we envisioned a revised version of the RADIX advert...

Scene 2(Inside tent in cold, wet weather)
Najeem: Mai Secawan...(big smile on face)
Amir, Mja, Jimin, Ang, Cheng: Mai Secawan??Cik mu!!!....Nah, lebih dari secawan aku bagi(throw the paper cups and plates to Najeem)

[P/S: 'Cik' in the context of this entry is a word originating from the Terengganu dialect. During old times (when you and I were not yet born), 'Cik' is used to refer to 'mother'. Nowadays, 'Cik mu' is often used as a derogatory/teasing term.]

Next day, cooked breakfast consisting of baked beans and sardine to be eaten with bread. Then, went mandi sungai...After that, time for group pic. Mja brought a tripod into the forest just for this. Packed and went back at around 11.00 AM. Luckily, we managed to avoid a downpour by 10-15 minutes. Ok, people...time to return to the 'civilised' world...

Random pics